Suicidal

I am blessed! However, society may see a pretty young woman, but no one ever takes the time to pull the curtain back, to see the trauma. The hard work and dedication it continuously takes to work through the pain to prosper after trauma. Hence “The Pretty Ugly. I was inspired to share my story and how I overcame my battle with Mental Health. I coined this term due to the traumatizing upbringing I endured growing up in a Domestic Violence household, and the tragic bondage that continued to hold me closely, long after I left home at the early age of 16.
Before the domestic violence and abuse began I became ill with Kidney & Bladder problems. This started from the age of 2 to 11 years old. I was In & out of doctors and hospitals most of my early childhood. By the age of 7, my step-father began committing adultery, and the arguing between him and my mother progressed. He began to drink heavily, and eventually, these arguments resulted in verbal & physical abuse. This is why I decided to emancipate myself at 16 years old. I just couldn’t focus on school in this toxic and volatile environment anymore. It was mentally breaking me down. I began experimenting with drugs, I began repeating the cycle, and found myself in a 10-year-long abusive relationship with a Narcissist. I was already traumatized after leaving home at such an early age, and I was underdeveloped mentally & emotionally. I lacked Self-Love and I didn’t know or understand my value in this world. This is the “Ugly” that led me to become addicted to drugs, sex, pain, abuse, and what led to my destructive behavior. I became hopeless, depression kicked in, and I eventually had a psychotic breakdown. I began having suicidal thoughts and started contemplating suicide. I realized that my destructive behavior was actually suicidal behavior, even though I didn’t consciously realize it at the time.

Suicide has such a negative stigma. Traditionally when society thinks of suicide, they immediately think of the gun, the pills, the rope, etc, and how someone took their own life. Our society has been conditioned to look at the aftermath and not the cause. In my personal experience, I view it differently. I believe the suicide happens way before the suicide. Over 50% of individuals that commit suicide have never been diagnosed with a mental illness. Mental Health is a vital part of our everyday health, not just our physical health. I say that, to say this: suicide is a byproduct of what someone has been enduring and suffering in secret long before they committed suicide. I’ve recently had this revelation long after my struggles. It hit me less than a year ago. I began to realize that I was demonstrating suicidal behavior. Think about it… The fact that I began using drugs as a teenager, and maintaining a 10 – year relationship with my abuser. The very person who was feeding drugs. This is why I consider myself to be the epitome of “ The Pretty Ugly”. However, look at me today, I’m in an Unconditionally Loving relationship, I’ve been a business owner and entrepreneur for over the last 8 years. I owned property, traveled around the world, and now I’m sharing my story & vision in hopes of saving some lives. I call that “The Pretty”.